ADHD, Anger, and Relationships: The Hardest Apology I Ever Had to Make

(The Hardest Apology I’ve Ever Had to Make)

Sometimes the hardest apologies aren’t for the big blow-ups. They’re for the small moments that slip through unnoticed by everyone else, except the person you love.

For me, it happens in little snaps. Ben will say something completely ordinary, and before I know it, my ADHD-fueled impatience or frustration bubbles up and I snap back sharper than I ever meant to. It’s quick, almost thoughtless, but the look on his face tells me it landed deeper than I realised.

In those moments, guilt sets in fast. I replay it in my head, Why did I react like that? Why can’t I just pause? The shame spiral is real, and for a long time, I let it convince me I was failing as a partner.

But I’ve learned that the power isn’t in pretending I’ll never snap again (because, honestly, I probably will). The power is in the repair.

When I notice I’ve crossed that line, I take a breath and own it. Sometimes it’s as simple as, “I didn’t mean to snap, I’m sorry.” Other times, I explain: “I’m tired, or overwhelmed, or my brain is noisy right now. But that wasn’t fair on you.” It doesn’t erase the moment, but it builds trust. It shows I’m willing to take responsibility and come back to connection.

And that’s what relationships are built on, not the absence of conflict, but the ability to repair after the little cracks appear.

So if you’ve ever felt weighed down by the “small” apologies, you’re not alone. Sometimes those are the most powerful ones. Because every time we say “I’m sorry” and mean it, we’re choosing to keep showing up, even in our messiest moments.

If repairing relationships feels impossible, Anchored Coaching can support you with tools for ADHD, Autism, stepfamilies, and mental health—so connection doesn’t get lost in the mess.