ADHD and Emotional Outbursts in Relationships: Why I Felt Like the Villain

Gosh, there are just days when I totally lose it with Ben or Will before my brain even clocks what my mouth’s doing. It’s wild! Something tiny sets me off, I vomit out words way harsher than I mean, and then suddenly I’m sitting there like, “Wait, what the hell just happened?” Honestly, sometimes I feel like the main villain in my own reality show. Too loud, way too much, emotions ricocheting everywhere. ADHD already makes life feel like a full-blown theme park…but now toss in bipolar vibes and hormones going haywire? It’s like I’m strapped to a ride I definitely did NOT line up for.

The worst bit? I usually don’t even see it coming. One minute, I’m pulling on my hoodie, maybe making a chai, all normal—then BAM, outta nowhere, I’m a walking thundercloud and everyone’s ducking for cover. Lovely.

I got stuck in this spiral of shame for decades. Like, why can’t I just keep my cool? Why do I always blow stuff out of proportion? Is anyone else THIS reactive? I figured, gee, maybe I’m just not a good person.

But here’s the thing I finally figured out: those big ugly emotions? Not some deep character flaw. They’re just signals—the body’s own way of waving a giant red flag, saying “Hey, something’s off!” Took me forever to listen, but now when I feel that internal pressure cooker about to go nuclear, I force myself to stop and do a quick “systems check.”

Literally, I ask:

• Did I skip breakfast again?

• When did I last drink water?

• Did I sleep like crap last night?

• Is my ADHD med wearing off?

• Did I remember all my medications

• Am I just totally fried?

• What is overwhelming me?

It’s almost ALWAYS one of those. And when I hit pause, deal with the basics—a granola bar, chug some water, lie down for ten, step outside and inhale actual air—I can talk to Ben or Will without my brain glitching. Doesn’t mean the emotions have vanished, but at least I don’t see myself as some irredeemable monster now. Just a human with weird wiring, not a lost cause.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, if you’ve ever felt like you’re the big bad wolf in your own story ’cause your feelings hit hard and fast…hey, you’re definitely not alone. Turns out you’re not “too much.” You’re not broken. Sometimes, it’s just about stopping long enough to listen to what your own body’s been trying to say all along.

So yeah—next time the tension’s building, do a quick check-in. You might find out your body’s been waving a white flag this whole time, just waiting for you to notice.

If you’ve ever felt like “too much” in your relationships, you’re not alone. Anchored Coaching offers support for ADHD, Autism, blended families, and mental health, because connection and calm are possible.